im gay
i know
yea but for you.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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