I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
