Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
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