guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I can't turn off my feet"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
