Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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