i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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