So gin and wine won't be happening again
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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