Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
