it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
