He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
