I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
