when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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