bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
