so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
