I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
