The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
