did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
