Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
