I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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