just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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