i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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