people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you inspire me to be a worse person
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
