You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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