sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
