I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
