thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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