Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
