Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
