Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
