You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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