I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
