She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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