she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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