I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
