You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
