I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Randomize
