Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
