mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
love makes seman taste better
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
