he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
