got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
