You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize