I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
