I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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