i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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