new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
