i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
