That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
