You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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