why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
