Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I wish life had little blips of pornography
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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