I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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