Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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