Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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